


Last Christmas

by cymyguy



Series: 12 Days of Kagehina Christmas [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Aged-Up Character(s), Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Gift Giving, Health Issues, Heavy Angst, Ice Skating, M/M, Wedding Rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cymyguy/pseuds/cymyguy
Summary: I present to you...12 Days of Kagehina Christmas!~It started when Hinata called his sister to ask if they were doing the usual for Christmas. His sister had grandkids and great grandkids and everything, and for many years now Hinata and his husband had used this connection to join in a Christmas gathering that didn’t involve just the two of them. But this year, as he was talking with Natsu-chan, Hinata got the feeling they weren’t wanted.





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> song: "Last Christmas" - Wham! of course
> 
> I don't think I got through one session of this without crying so good luck

It started when Hinata called his sister to ask if they were doing the usual for Christmas. His sister had grandkids and great grandkids and everything, and for many years now Hinata and his husband had used this connection to join in a Christmas gathering that didn’t involve just the two of them. But this year, as he was talking with Natsu-chan, Hinata got the feeling they weren’t wanted.

Even back when he was 20-something and the definition of hot-headed, he wouldn’t have outright accused her or even dreamed of doing it. Now, as a hard-headed, soft-hearted old man, his accusations came immediately and bluntly as was possible.

His sister had apologized for giving that impression, but she was what one might call feisty, even at 70-some, and she had also told him outright that because he and Kageyama argued all the time, and complained about each other when they weren’t within convenient arguing distance, nobody in her family cared to be around them for very long. Hinata had given a most tender apology to his faultless sister who had every right to be honest.

It was his husband who had ruined his Christmas plans, and Kageyama (who in fact felt equally wronged) bore the brunt of his ill-will the rest of that day, and every successive day until Christmas Eve itself.

The morning of the 24th Kageyama woke up alone. For many years they had lived in a nice little house, but things like stairs and street parking and doctor’s visits got too difficult, and they had left the house before they even paid it off. Now they were back in a small apartment, and he could hear Hinata in the kitchen. He started to work himself out of bed, but wasn’t quick enough. He heard the fall.

Hinata’s upper half was on the carpet in the living room, while his legs had stayed on the linoleum. He was coughing out a groan, until he saw Kageyama, and tried to smile. He pointed back at the kitchen floor.

“I tried to pick up the egg, but couldn’t—keep my balance.”

Kageyama glared.

“I didn’t hit anything,” Hinata said, “It was a good fall.”

“Hinata—”

“At least help me up before you start with this!”

“You can’t tell me you don’t know what happens every time you try to bend over.”

“I was just trying to pick up after myself. You were going to yell at me for sure if you walked out here and stepped in egg so I decided to take my chances,” he crowed.

“Seven lamps, Hinata.”

“I wasn’t even by it this time! It was perfectly safe to try.”

Kageyama grabbed him under the arms.

“And I’m sure you were going to be patient enough to wait on the floor for who knows how long until I got up. I’m sure you weren’t going to try crawling to the chair, and tipping that over, and grabbing for the lamp and pulling that right on top of you.”

He forced him into a kitchen chair.

“Well I might have tried something,” Hinata said, “But not that, that’s just completely stupid.”

“Did you hit your head?”

“No, I landed on my shoulder.”

Kageyama whacked the side of his head.

“Hey! Knock it off!”

“Stay there.”

Kageyama went for paper towels, and lowered himself down to clean up the dropped egg. Hinata defied him and walked back to the stove.

“At least I didn’t dress myself,” he said. “I knew I’d catch hell for that too.”

He was still in his sea green nightgown as he poked at the eggs in the pan.

“If you’re going to try anything else while I’m out of the room, make sure it kills you,” Kageyama said. He went to the bathroom.

“You shouldn’t be saying things like that anymore, you know.”

By the time he got back, two plates were full of eggs and toast, and Hinata was already working on one of them. Kageyama sat down.

“What’s this?”

“Breakfast.”

“Then what’s in the oven?”

“The ham for our Christmas dinner.”

“Where the hell did you get a ham?”

“I bartered with the neighbors for it.”

“What did you barter?” Kageyama said.

He kept his eyes down, that was how Kageyama knew he was only pretending not to hear.

“Hinata, what did you barter?”

“Sixty dollars.”

“Sixty dollars for a ham?” he cried.

“There was a supply and demand problem, Kageyama, it was the best I could do.”

“That’s not even bartering, that’s telling someone you’re desperate and will pay whatever it takes.”

“Well call it whatever you want, I got us some nice meat for a nice Christmas dinner.”

“You got us ripped off.”

“Why should you care how much of my money I want to spend on a ham?” he hollered across the table.

“For cripes’ sake, Hinata, we’ve shared a bank account for forty years.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

After breakfast, washing, and dressing, there was nothing to do. They had long ago given up on getting gifts for each other. The three-foot tree was already in the corner, fake needles falling off the branches as the heater blasted air at it. So, to the TV.

“I wanted to watch the holiday bake-off,” Hinata said.

“Go to the bedroom and watch it.”

He scoffed. “You would send me out of the room on Christmas?”

“If you really want to watch, you know how.”

“Well who says I have to move, I’m comfortable. You go to the bedroom. You don’t even like Christmas movies, you’re going to fall asleep anyway.”

“Like you’ll let that happen. As pissed as you might be about it, I’m your only company today.”

“You haven’t counted as any kind of company for decades.”

“If I could sleep until tomorrow I would.”

Hinata stood up.

“I don’t even know why I thought we could try today. Let me save you the trouble of kicking me out of my own house, I’ll just leave!”

“The hell you will.”

He crossed the room, opened the door, and shut it behind him.

“Damnit Hinata—”

Kageyama threw his phone at the couch, and stood up from the chair, rubbing the lines on his forehead for a few moments. Normally he would let Hinata walk until he got good and cold, then go pick him up, but he wasn’t in the mood today. He went into the hall, and outside. Hinata was on the sidewalk, walking away from the complex.

“What are you doing, dumbass?”

He choked, swallowed, and tried again. “I want to go ice skating.”

Then he peeked over his shoulder, to see how this registered with Kageyama.

“Get in the car then,” he said.

He shook his head. “No.”

“Hinata, get in the car.”

He huffed as he turned around and moved toward their parking spot. Kageyama stomped back inside to put on a coat. He shut off the oven, then grabbed Hinata’s coat, hat, scarf and gloves, and the keys. When he got into the car he shoved all the items at Hinata; as they sat silently while the vehicle warmed up, Hinata cried and wiped at his face with the scarf.

“I hope you know we’re going to freeze our asses right off,” Kageyama said on the way.

“I never liked yours anyway.”

“But you sure liked your own.”

“So did you.”

“Did.”

“That’s rude,” said Hinata.

Kageyama cursed in his head. He didn’t like bringing up the past. It only made him think that if he had known it would be like this, he would have made different choices when they were younger.

They should have done more things like Hinata wanted to. Traveled or something. Maybe they should have applied for adoption like he wanted. They should have invested more in retirement, so Kageyama didn’t have to work those extra years and Hinata didn’t have to sit home alone because he couldn’t anymore.

Hinata didn’t drive at all now, and Kageyama could only take them to short, familiar destinations. They got there, and he shut off the car while Hinata kicked off his slippers and put on the shoes Kageyama had brought for him. He got out of the car, holding hard to the door while he gained his balance, then started to hunt for his coat sleeves. His arm was stopped, held.

“Don’t even think about using that shoulder when I know you fell on it.”

“Well why should I expect you to help me when you’ve gotten mad about every little thing today?”

Kageyama said nothing as he guided the coat over his arms.

Kageyama could put in a card and have the machine produce some appropriately sized skates for them, but at this point going out on the ice at all was dangerous, and increasing their likelihood of a fall would just be stupid. So they went out in their slip-on Sketchers and slid around, arms linked tightly, traveling the length of the rink without a word. When they reached the wall and Kageyama turned them around, Hinata said:

“Kageyama?”

“Hm.”

“Do you remember how we went ice skating on our first Christmas Eve? The one before we were married?”

“Why wouldn’t I remember?” he snapped.

Truthfully, he had started having trouble with things like that. Recent things he could remember, but things farther back than about 20 years were jumbling into a whirl of color and sound. He did remember this, though, about Hinata winning the ice skating argument. That was why he hadn’t bothered to argue it today.

As they slid along and he felt better about their bearings and could be a little less vigilant, more pieces of that day came back to him. Distinct visuals of Hinata flapping wildly as he tried to keep himself from falling. The black mittens Kageyama had given him were on his hands. He wore a knitted brown and orange hat.

He had fallen, over and over, let the hard surface beat at his elbows and knees and back and butt. And he had gotten up, over and over. Kageyama remembered that. Maybe it was why he always helped Hinata up now, since his body was quitting on him and he couldn’t do it himself. He was used to Hinata getting back up.

He returned to the present when he felt Hinata pulling his arm away. He sat down on a bench, out of breath. Kageyama sat too.

“52 Christmases,” Hinata said eventually.

There was a catch in his voice, and Kageyama was relieved that he waited to speak again until it had steadied.

“What if this is our last one? And we were alone because no one wanted to be with us.”

“If you’re mad about that you can blame yourself,” Kageyama said. “And it’s 51, not 52.”

Hinata gave him a funny look. “Oh.”

He only scowled.

“51 Christmases,” Hinata said, “And you never even fell in love with me. I thought I would have the best chance with you.”

“You never fell in love with me either.”

“No, but I have loved you. I did love you sometimes.”

“You did.”

“Pf, you didn’t know? Idiot.”

“Shut up.”

They sat in silence. There was no sense of time binding these silences anymore; they couldn’t tell if it lasted for an hour, or hardly a minute.

“I’m cold,” Hinata said.

“I told you you would be.”

“Let’s go home.”

He got up, feet shuffling madly but not getting him anywhere. His shoulders started to lean forward—

“Dumbass.”

Kageyama held him back.

“Just—slow down.”

When his feet started to work, they eased off the ice together. Hinata held tightly to the side of his coat, his other arm around his back as if he were also helping Kageyama. His mitted hand fell into that same place he always put it, that place Kageyama wouldn’t be surprised to see an imprint.

When they got home, Hinata barked at him for shutting off the oven.

“You wasted all that time for it to cook!”

“I also kept the place from burning down, idiot Hinata.”

“I was trying to do something to keep busy while it cooked, but you made it pointless.”

“Would you rather come home to an undercooked ham or a pile of ash where we used to live?”

“I’ve cooked for a long time and that’s never happened,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing!”

They sat at the table. Kageyama turned toward the TV in the living room, turned it on with his phone, and selected a holiday concert show.

Hinata fidgeted and sighed. Kageyama clenched his teeth.

“Kageyama?”

His eye strayed to Hinata, then back to the TV. “Hm.”

“Can we turn it off?”

Kageyama felt sick to his stomach, but he didn’t turn, didn’t make a move.

Hinata’s voice got more tense.

“Kageyama.”

He remained in place.

Hinata got up with a huff and stumbled over to the counter. He cried in his noisy way, slowly raising his sleeve to wipe at his eyes.

Kageyama knew, as always, that he was too late, but he got out of his chair and went over to Hinata. He put one hand next to his on the counter for balance, and touched his waist with the other. Hinata elbowed him away.

“Fine!”

He pushed through the barrier of Kageyama’s other arm.

“If this is the last Christmas, I’ll go get your gift.”

“You’re not giving me a—”

“Yes I am. One.” He shuffled around and held up a stiff finger. “Because the first Christmas—” Hinata closed his eyes, mustering his strength. “The first Christmas that _I_ counted—You gave me a present and I didn’t give you anything back. I owe you one present.”

He went to their room. Kageyama’s heart clenched into itself, the panicked beating now painful in his chest. So this was how it ended. They had come all this way for nothing.

They were still going to do what Kageyama had feared so much when he was 29, what had motivated him to accept his parents’ help. What had come creeping back to gnaw at him during the day and terrify him at night, especially on nights when he was away from Hinata.

They were still going to die alone.

And the fear was worse the second time around, because he had often consoled himself with the thought that while he was there, he prevented it from happening to Hinata. If Hinata didn’t want to do this anymore, Kageyama would be forced to fail him. He hurt even more for Hinata than himself.

Hinata came out of the hall with a little red bag. He set it on the counter.

“There—” He choked on tears. “Take it.”

His feet couldn’t keep up with his hurry to get away, and Kageyama watched him fall headfirst against the wall, then to the floor.

“HINATA YOU DUMB ASS.”

He roared again as he moved around the corner of the counter and dropped, painfully on his knees, next to Hinata.

“Fucking hell. I’m calling the ambulance.”

“No,” Hinata bawled like a toddler, though he couldn’t move out of the feeble heap on the floor.

“Yes I am.” Kageyama touched his head, then his neck. “I’m calling.”

Hinata’s desperation returned some of his grip strength to him, and he latched onto Kageyama’s arm to keep him from moving.

“Hinata—fucking—let go of me—Let go!”

He was crying too, looking at him there on the floor. His hands shook too badly to push Hinata’s off his arm.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Hinata whimpered, chest shaking around his gasps for breath.

“Hinata, you have to go to the—”

“I can’t believe you!”

“Stop it!”

“I can’t believe you lost your wedding ring and didn’t care enough to mention it to me, you didn’t even ask if I had seen it,” Hinata cried.

Kageyama hadn’t worn his ring in six weeks. When he went to put it on one morning, it wasn’t on the dresser. He didn’t look anywhere else for it.

Now he seized on the fighting words. Fighting was always better than the alternatives, like processing Hinata’s very broken position, and the sound as he had hit the wall, and the fact that he, Kageyama, didn’t know what to do.

“You’re the one who didn’t care enough to ask,” Kageyama shouted, “You didn’t say a word and if you don’t care then why should I?”

“Why would I need to ask when I’m the one who took it?”

“What the hell are you talking about? You dumbass.”

“Open your damn present.”

His eyes narrowed. “No.”

Hinata squeezed his arm tighter, trying to make it hurt. He shuddered on the floor as he sobbed again.

“I’m not opening it until you get up,” Kageyama said.

“Just open it—”

“Hinata.”

He moaned, and wailed “Why are you so mean?”

But he started to sit up, using Kageyama’s arm to pull himself. When Kageyama tried to aid his momentum, Hinata let go of him and started to fall over again. Kageyama caught him behind the back. He helped him, nearly lifted him, to his feet, even as Hinata continued to weakly flail and resist. He walked him to the couch and sat him down.

“Are you lightheaded?”

“Open your present.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No! Just open it!”

“I’m not opening it until you go to the hospital.”

His face contorted again. “That’s not fair! You said if I got up you would, gosh Kageyama, open it before I—before my heart gives, you…”

Kageyama shook his head and cursed as he got up and got the bag. He sat on the couch and ripped the paper out of the top. He pulled out a ring box. Hinata was wheezing raggedly next to him. He opened the box, and took the ring out of it, a silver band covered in tiny white stones.

“What is this?”

“The wedding ring that you didn’t care was missing,” Hinata said.

Kageyama frowned, so deeply that the permanent lines in his forehead creased further.

“This is mine?”

“Yes.” Hinata took a big breath. He was looking at the ring as Kageyama held it. “And you should know that when I gave it to the jewelers they were appalled at how dirty and tarnished it was. You treated it shitty.”

Kageyama wanted to say that the thing was 50 years old and that had to have something to do with its condition. But he couldn’t say anything, because he watched Hinata’s hands twist up tiny in his lap as he looked down at them, and started to cry. Not dry, red wailing, but silent, heavy tears. Kageyama felt tears build in his own eyes again.

“It has 52 diamonds, for 52 Christmases,” Hinata said. “After our first one, I started saving money, so I could get you something really nice one day. Sometimes I spent most of the money and had to start over, or sometimes we actually needed it, so…it took a lot longer than I planned.”

Diamonds. Kageyama ran his finger over the two stacked rows. They were whiter than he would have expected.

“And—And there’s no more room for diamonds and I don’t have anymore money, so if this is the last one, that’s—fine. Fine with me.”

Hinata’s slow hand and fumbling fingers were trying to wipe the tears off his cheek. Kageyama’s hands were still better than his. He took Hinata’s left and brought it away from his face. Then he grabbed a tissue from the end table and dried his cheeks for him.

They sat quietly. Kageyama kept his hand on Hinata’s in his lap, and Hinata saw that he had put on the brighter, shinier ring.

“There’s a lot of room on yours,” Kageyama said.

“What?”

He started to turn, but Kageyama rested his head against his so that Hinata couldn’t see him crying. He moved his free hand to Hinata’s back. Kageyama kissed him once on the side of his face.

His thumb found the ring and rubbed over it in the habitual way, but it felt different now, with the tiny dips of each stone. Every time he happened to do this, it would probably make him cry.

It was beautiful. He thought Hinata should be the one to wear it.

“Hinata…”

He moved his hand from Hinata’s back to his head, holding them together more resolutely, even though he felt like everywhere he touched him he was crumbling away.

“I know it’s 52.”

“Wha—Then why did you say what you did earlier?”

“I don’t know,” Kageyama said.

A whimper squeezed out of him. Hinata patted his knee. Kageyama drew back, and they sat arm to arm.

When he was able, Kageyama said:

“How long until the ham’s done?”

Hinata sighed. “I don’t know. It was frozen solid when I put it in there.”

“Hinata, you idiot.”

“What do we do while we wait? I’m too damn old to wait for things!”

He felt Kageyama’s weight shift on the couch, and felt his eyes. Hinata turned and looked up at him. His eyes were always bloodshot now, around the blue, and often watery too, so nobody else would have been able to tell between the usual and the emotional Kageyama, but to Hinata it was night and day.

“We…We could do what we used to do while we were waiting,” said Kageyama. “Well, we did it sometimes.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Kageyama put his hand on his leg, but a little far up, fingers wrapping a little farther inside. Hinata hadn’t been touched like that in quite a few years, and couldn’t fail to understand. His eyes got wide.

“What?” he almost whispered. “Really?”

“Do you think we should stay here, or go to the bed?”

“Kageyama it’s one in the afternoon!”

“So? What if we’re dead by five o’clock?”

“What if that’s what kills us? Wouldn’t you be even a little ashamed to be found like that?”

His eyes didn’t waver. Hinata’s face caught between an eyeroll and a furiously nervous blush. His blush had never changed, it always filled his cheeks in the same progression. He twiddled his index fingers in front of him, eyes averted, then said something that Kageyama couldn’t really hear, but thought sounded like ‘please take care of me.’ Kageyama wanted to laugh.

If Hinata hadn’t gotten perfectly comfortable with this in all these years, it was safe to say he never would. Kageyama, strangely, liked that. He felt a hasty kiss on his cheek. Hinata’s color rose further under his greying skin, but he gave Kageyama a little smile, and scooted closer, pressing their knees together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Next fic coming December 19


End file.
